Habit training for smooth and easy days

Speaker: Sean Allen (The Well Ordered Homeschool and No Ordinary Days podcast and Chalk Full of Design)

The mother who takes pains to endow her children with good habits secures for herself smooth and easy days.
CHARLOTTE MASON

Your goal is NOT to break the will of your child.

You are their to TRAIN them in the way they should go.

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
PROVERBS 22:6

not all love is created equal. Love is not perfect in and of itself.

All children all willful. There are no special cases.

Beware of Satan trying to divide you from your child at a young age. When your child is young, all they want is you. Don't let premature expectations get in the way of your relationship with your child.

Sometimes, it is OUR will that needs to break.

We need our children as much as they need us. Don't you feel like a better man or woman for having a child?

The heart of sound character = proper instruction + good habits

tell + show

You can't just tell your kid to do something. You have to show them.

How do you show them? You go by their side. You go right where they are.

their values

They don't have the capacity to understand the value of tidiness, for example. So how do you communicate to them the value that you place on this?

Rewards if they are done properly are a fantastic thing.

When you say, "I need you to do the laundry", imagine what your daughter is hearing.

You hear: "folded laundry makes me feel good. It is such a a simple task"

They hear: "what's the point? Why not just go play!?"

Every day, every hour, the parents are either passively or actively forming those habits in their children upon which, more than upon anything else, future character and conduct depend.
CHARLOTTE MASON

how do you build good habits?

Kids get excited when you want to do things with them!

You as the parent can help them with things they can't do.

Do not underestimate the power of being by their side. This is way different than yelling at them to do something and then walking away.

Doing it with you is significantly better than them being motivated to do it to avoid your anger.

So many voices

Education - "all your child really needs is proper instruction"

• put all the kids in a classroom and it will fix the world is the mantra of this voice
• we tried this with mass public education, it hasn't worked

Correction - "Your children are inherently rebellious. Only strict and consistent discipline will cure them"

Affirmation - "your children just need encouraged and acceptance"

All of these voices are partially correct, but they don't have the full picture.

so what do we do if all the voices are partially correct?

Talk to God regularly about how you are parenting. Check in if you're doing well.

God never takes his eyes off your children. He loves them and knows what they need.

If your child is lying to you, it may be because they are avoiding the pain of your disappointment. Understand your role in this. Why are they so fearful that they lie? Talk with your kid about this. Ask them why they lied. Self-reflect about how you respond when your child has done something wrong.

"Time to do the dishes"

There is a value proposition here: doing the dishes is important to this family, and we need your help.

Relying on instruction alone during your child's formative years is like throwing them on a bike, giving them a push down the street and insisting that they "Ride!"

Just Like Riding a Bike

Bike = Sound instruction

Left Training Wheel = Thoughtful, consistent rewards

Right Training Wheel = Thoughtful, consistent correction

Rewards and consequences are all about making your expectations clear to your children.